Ideas for Your 40th Wedding Anniversary

The 40th wedding anniversary is a huge milestone since you’ve been married for a whole four decades. This accomplishment should be celebrated with time spent together on your anniversary. This list of ideas incorporates ruby ideas, since rubies are the traditional and modern gift for this anniversary. Here are some interesting ways to incorporate a ruby theme into your wedding anniversary.

The deep fiery colour of rubies represents passion, and you know that you need to spend time together to cultivate passion in your marriage. For your 40th wedding anniversary, use these ruby themed ideas to spend time together and renew your passion for one another.

Walk the Ruby Country

In the heart of the Devon countryside is a rural area known as the Ruby Country. Here, you can stay in a local bed and breakfast and explore local gift and pottery shops. Wonder on foot each day to see what natural wonders the area has to offer, and enjoy one another’s company in the midst of the great outdoors.

Pick a Family Heirloom

There are several companies that takes regular photographs and turns them into high quality oil paintings. Break out a bottle of ruby coloured wine while you sort through photographs from your forty years of marriage to choose the perfect one to be created into an oil painting. Whether you choose a photo from your wedding day or one of the entire family, this painting will become one of your most treasured family heirlooms.

Whale Watching off the Dorset coast

There are plenty of sail boats (including one called the Ruby J!) that run whale watching cruises off the coast of Dorset, allowing you to enjoy views of the Jurassic West Bay. Then stay at one of the nearby Bed and Breakfast that offer warm meals and cosy rooms near the coast, so you can wrap up your trip here for a relaxing end to your weekend away.

Adding real rubies to these ruby themed ideas is easy, too. Present your loved one with ruby jewellery or ruby coloured clothing when you’re enjoying one of these fun ruby themed activities together. It will be a 40th wedding anniversary you’ll never forget

Communication in a Relationship

Communication is a vital part of our lives: a typical day involves many interactions between ourselves, our work colleagues and clients, our children, our friends, our ex's, future relationships, etc. This interaction takes place where we live, work, relax, socialize and wherever we perform routine tasks.

Communication skills are critical for building healthy relationships, especially when one realizes that one of the most common causes of relational breakdown is a lack of communication. Just as communication can be the most important part of a relationship; arguments can be the most destructive aspect - the closer we are to someone, the more easily we can bruise or be bruised. There is very little truth in the saying: "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never harm me." It's not what we say, but rather how we say it, that most often hurts another person.

Do you identify with any of these statements?

"He never listens to me when I talk!"

"She talks and talks, but never actually says anything!"

"It's like talking to a brick wall"

"I can't get through to you"

"We can't talk about anything important without getting into a fight"

"She's too emotional - she's either crying or shouting or complaining. It's easier to avoid her"

"He always gets defensive when I try to talk about issues"

Communication is a complex process; of which speaking only makes up for 10-20%. The other 80-90% is made up by facial expressions, body language, tone of voice, etc.

Communication is the art/ science of transferring a thought/ idea/ information from the mind of one complex human being to the mind of one or more complex human being(s). For communication to be effective, it must be a two-way process.

Dynamics of Interpersonal Communication

1. Facts: are both people communicating about the same set of facts? Try to separate the facts from thoughts or feelings.

2. Interpretations, Thoughts or Perceptions: Each person interprets a fact differently based on their belief system, personality, values and experience.

3. Feelings: how we are feeling, our current mood and frame of mind, etc can sub-consciously affect decisions and thoughts.

4. Intentions, Needs or Wants: hidden agendas; are we looking for comfort, clarification, information or simply a chance to interact? We judge ourselves on our intentions.

5. Actions: choice of words (is the intent to create harm?) + tone of voice + non-verbal speech = body language, posture, eye contact, facial expressions, etc.

"The medium is the message" => the way the message is delivered is the message itself.

6. Self: The communication centre, which includes the issue, topic or conflict at hand, has been "filtered" by the facts, interpretations, thoughts, feelings, intentions, and choices of behaviour / actions.

Listening and Feedback

Did I say what I meant to say? - Invite feedback to clarify communication.

Someone who's not listening lets their mind drift and is already preparing the next argument or opposing thought; inaccurate feedback or limited eye contact.

Listening is an active, not a passive process. When two people argue, they only hear "what they want to hear", not what's actually said. This equates to the accusation of "not listening". Most couples start arguing and within 5 minutes are arguing about the way they are arguing.

Don't argue when you're angry - you will not be able to listen objectively. Give yourself time to cool down and then broach the subject when you are in a more reasonable frame of mind.

It's important to give feedback - checking and confirming. Did I understand you correctly? Is this what you mean? I heard you say this: am I right? Feedback can be verbal / non-verbal e.g. a nod, smile, silence or a cold shoulder. No feedback is in itself a form of feedback.

If the words and actions contradict each other, it is better to believe the actions!

Conflict Resolution

Conflict resolution can either be Constructive or Destructive.

Destructive Style - hinders or inhibits the conflict resolution process:

Confrontational (win or lose, blaming)

Sabotage (focus on weak points, shaming)

Manipulation (blackmail, withdrawal)

Giving in (passive, submissive)

Avoidance (denial, withdrawal)

Constructive Style – trying to minimize the issues and avoiding the difficulties in resolving the problems:

Compromise (meet halfway, understanding)

Accommodate (open discussion, communication without confrontation)

Partnership (solutions, forgiveness, honesty)

When trying to resolve conflicts, try to clarify your goals, as you will probably share many of the same goals despite of your differences. Avoid bargaining, as this may lead to each party taking a rigid position which in turn can flare tempers.

When resolving conflicts, remember that their causes may run deep. Sweeping issues under the carpet isn’t going to work in the long term, as old baggage will be brought up each time an argument starts. Try to fully resolve each issue as it comes along. You may find the following method useful:

1. Ask the other person for their feelings. Your conflict probably isn’t about the issue that caused it to start in the first place. Don’t forget that your goal is sorting out the problem, not winning an argument!

2. Ask the other person to define the problem. Stick to solving one problem at a time, that way you can understand each problem as the other person sees it.

3. Express your own feelings. Be careful to word them carefully, for example use phrases such as “I feel…” rather than “I think you…”

4. Define the problem as you see it. As your feelings come out, the solution may become clearer. Remember that by you listening to the other person; you will have set the tone for them to listen to you.

5. Create multiple solutions. Don’t go back to your original agenda. Aim to find alternative or creative solutions that reduce emotions and tension.

6. Rate the possible solutions. Remember that no one can force an unacceptable solution on the other.

7. Combine and create a mutually acceptable solution. Create something acceptable to both parties, if this doesn’t work – go back to step 1 and ensure both parties are being totally honest.

8. Be sure both parties agree to work towards resolving the issue.

Troubleshooting For Problems in Communication

Control or Power Issues: Effective communication cannot take place if one person has "control" over the other or where there is not mutual respect and equality of relationship. To stay in control leads to relational isolation as the underdog reacts in anger at being manipulated or belittled.

Triangulation: Do not bring in a third party to avoid direct confrontation. If you have a problem with someone, go directly to that person. Don't dump your accusations on mutual friends or your children in the hope of winning support to balance the scales in your favour - it leads to more substantial and long-lasting damage, especially when a child is used as a weapon between parents.

19 Steps to Effective Communication

1. See communication as an opportunity to praise, build-up, affirm, heal, support and give positive reinforcement, rather than to correct, criticise, tear down, hurt, wound, lash out at. Praise opens doors to further communication, while criticism shuts them down.

2. Remember that actions speak louder than words; non-verbal communication usually is more powerful than verbal communication. Avoid double messages in which the verbal and the non-verbal messages convey something contradictory. (Credibility gap)

3. Define what is important and stress it; define what is unimportant and de-emphasise or ignore it. Avoid fault-finding.

4. Communicate in ways that show respect for the other person’s worth as a human being. “Avoid statements which begin with the words “You never …” or “I think you …”.

5. Be clear and specific in your communication. Avoid vagueness.

6. Be realistic and reasonable in your statements. Avoid exaggeration and sentences which begin with “You always …”

7. Test all your assumptions verbally by asking if they are accurate. Avoid acting until this is done.

8. Recognize that each event can be seen from different points of view. Avoid assuming that other people see things like you do. (Perception)

9. Recognize that your family members and close friends are experts on you and your behaviour. Avoid the tendency to deny their observations about you – especially if you are not sure.

10. Recognize that disagreement can be a meaningful form of communication. Avoid destructive arguments.

11. Be honest and open about your feelings and viewpoints. Bring up all significant problems even if you are afraid that doing so will disturb another person. Speak the truth in love. Avoid sullen silences.

12. Do not put down and/or manipulate the other person with tactics such as ridicule, interrupting, name-calling, changing the subject, blaming, bugging, sarcasm, criticism, pouting, guilt-inducing, etc. Avoid the one-upmanship game.

13. Be more concerned about how your communication affects others than about what you intended. Avoid getting bitter if you are misunderstood.

14. Accept all feelings and try to understand why others feel and act as they do. Avoid the tendency to say, “you shouldn’t feel like that.”

15. Be tactful considerate and courteous. Avoid taking advantage of the other person’s feelings.

16. Ask questions and listen carefully. Avoid preaching or lecturing.

17. Do not use excuses. Avoid falling for the excuses of others.

18. Speak kindly politely and softly. Avoid nagging yelling or whining.

19. Recognize the value of humour and seriousness. Avoid destructive teasing.

Summary

As you look ahead to new relationships, you need to be able to break old and faulty communication patterns to allow for healthier interaction. The use of praise and positive reinforcement will reconstruct wounded and broken self-images and will build self-esteem, particularly in children. By becoming an effective communicator, you will also grow and become a better person which will positively enhance all your relationships.

What Everybody Ought to Know About a Wedding Registry

A crucial part of planning a wedding is also planning for and creating a wedding registry. This is best done as early as possible. The bridal registry is extremely important if you want to avoid duplicate gifts. Starting a registry early lets your guests have enough time to choose what items they would like to give you. You may not have a comprehensive wedding registry ready early on, but make it large enough for your guests to have enough options to browse and choose.

You also need to plan what kind of registry you want and what kinds of items and products need to be a part of it. The ideal wedding registry for a young couple is one that lists household items. Such a registry is perfect for a couple starting a new life together. Let’s take a look at some of the wedding gifts that can be a part of the ideal wedding registry.

Kitchenware

A lot of young couples can benefit from creating a kitchenware wedding registry. Having a well-equipped kitchen means you can create and share more meals together at home, entertain at home, and cook whenever you want. Kitchenware items can range from regular silverware and glassware to appliances like mixers, food processors, toasters, and coffee machines.

Home Furnishings and Linen

Equally as useful for a couple as a kitchenware registry is a home furnishing items and home linen registry that includes products like tablecloths, bedding, and bath towels. You can include items like duvet sets, bed sheets, pillows, bed skirts, and blankets. It is also a good idea to include home furnishings and home linen products like tablecloths, towels, cloth napkins, curtains, rugs, and more.

Home Decor

A wedding registry which covers home décor can also be a very helpful for a young couple. You can choose from furniture, decorative items and collectibles, wall pictures, photo frames, and lamps. Home décor that looks good and is also functional can be of great use to a couple starting a new life together.

Create your wedding registry with care and loving attention. After all, it’s for your future and can give you a wonderful start to this exciting new phase of your life!

How to Get a Guy to Like You - From the Very First Date

There are 2 ways to understand how to get a guy to like you on your first date. The first way is to Ask Your Girlfriends, consult with your mother or aunt, or maybe read Cosmopolitan every week. The common thing about these sources - They all come from Women.

We women spend an amazing amount of time dissecting and analyzing every little aspect of relationships, men and life in general.

That, unfortunately, doesn't mean that we understand men better (than men).

The second way to know how to get a guy to want you is to Finally listen to what Men Are Saying... This may not be easy. We will hear things that we don't want to hear and we will have to accept things that may sound sexist and annoying. None the less - They will still be true!

If you ask your girlfriends or go through women's magazines, you will find that this is how to act on a first date:

1. Don't order pricy drinks or food.

2. Act like someone who will get along with his buddies

3. Don't wear anything too exposing and revealing and never use any curse words - so he knows he can introduce you to his mother.

4. Don't talk much and if possible don't talk at all - just listen.

I am sure you have heard this advice before, right?

While these tips can be good for some type of men, they are hardly the things that will affect his first impression of you (which of course is the most important one)

What's the Problem With Women-Tips for First Dates?

Most of the time, we women do not understand the purpose of a first date. We tend to focus on compatibility, attraction and how many relationship he had in his past. These are all important things, but not on a first date.

After a long research about how to get a guy to like you (and a lot on interrogation of the opposite sex), I have found these 3 simple rules to follow on your first date. They are all related to one thing: Concentrate on conveying your femininity.

Rule #1 - Wear a Dress

Men like women in dresses because dresses make you look soft, tender and it makes him want to cuddle you and protect you from the harms of the world.

Rule # 2 - Let Him Speak First

If you allow him to be the first one to speak on your first date will make him feel respected. Men like to feel respected even more than being loved. It's a fact of life and it is an ancient fact of life. It maybe annoying, but it's still true.

Rule #3 - Smile Often

Smiling at him often will simply make him feel attractive. It's so easy yet so true. Men want to feel attractive and this is an easy way to achieve that.

Follow these 3 simple rules and he will beg for a second date. Wait 2 more dates and then you can start to express yourself much more and let him know who you really are. By than he will be much more motivated to get to know you as a person.

After Infidelity: Make up or Break up

Relevance Info Services, an international publisher of quality information, approached me as an expert in relationship issues with the question if I could evaluate a number of websites that offer methods and tips for saving relationships and prevent a divorce. The fact is that, with respect for all the well meant kind of information, there are many offerings on the internet that are not based upon psychological principals. A lot of the presented materials cause more harm than any good. It is not composed by experts and that’s certainly not what you want. If you are in serious trouble the situation demands a professional approach by people that are very experienced in solving relationship issues.

This article is about what to do after infidelity. More articles will follow about related subjects.

An infidelity is a betrayal, a loss of trust. It is lying or disloyalty to one’s partner or lover. Infidelity may be sexual or emotional in nature and typically involves a third person. Infidelity does not necessarily involve physical separation, but can be characterized by emotional detachment as well. Emotional detachment can happen when you lose your partner’s trust or if you lie to your partner or tell them half-truths. Betraying your partner may inflict a deep pain that is difficult to repair and sometimes causes irrevocable damage to the relationship that hastens its end. There are many things that can occur in the wake of an infidelity. If you are married, an infidelity could lead to divorce. If you are in a committed relationship, it could lead to a break up.

So what happens after infidelity occurs in your relationship?

There are distinct stages a relationship goes through in the wake of an infidelity.

1. Roller Coaster Stage. This is the stage where strong emotions arise - emotions such as anger and self-blame followed by a period of introspection and appreciation of the relationship. Just like it says, your emotions go for a roller coaster ride, up and down, round and round and it’s a bit hard to figure out exactly where you are.

2. Moratorium Stage. This stage is a less emotional stage, at least for the person who was cheated upon. In this stage, the person affected tries to make sense of the betrayal. They may ask for more detail about the affair or retreat into themselves or quietly seek help from others regarding the issue.

3. Trust Building Stage. This stage takes place when the couple has decided to stay together. During this stage, the couple really tries to make their marriage work. They decide that a continued commitment to their relationship is important and with time, eventually forgiveness and trust can be achieved.

After an infidelity occurs, you may still find yourself often doubting your partner. Don’t lose heart, there is hope. Here are some signs that may indicate if a person is still worthy of your love.

• Expresses sincere remorse and regret for cheating on you

• Heartfelt apologies feel true when you hear them

• Accepts total blame for his or her betrayal

• Cuts off all contact with the third party

• Shows a renewed appreciation, admiration, respect and devotion to only you

• Displays a willingness and openness to talk about what happened

• Is willing and eager to go into marriage counseling with you

If both of you are willing to participate in a deep, open, and honest conversation regarding your relationship and how you would like it to progress, there is a good chance you will be able to work through your issues.

If, on the other hand, your partner is not open to discussing these things with you and not demonstrating any of the possible reconcilement signs listed above, it may be time to cut your losses and get out. Additional signs that it might be time to end the relationship are: your partner seems to be more agitated than usual and seems to emotionally and physically withdraw from you. They may go out alone more often and may be making clandestine phone calls or working late hours. You might even receive anonymous phone calls at the house. If several of these things are occurring, then most probably your partner is cheating on you. If you can find concrete evidence of this infidelity, then it’s probably a good idea to break up. A relationship that is based on lies, lacks trust and lack of commitment is doomed to fail.

After an infidelity occurs, be aware of any signs that may indicate your partner’s willingness to stay and work it out or clear intention to follow along the path of continued betrayal

I Broke Up With My Boyfriend and I Miss Him - Can I Get Him Back?

I left my sweetheart, it was my choice. However after that I realized it had been a terrible mistake and that I would like him back again.

What to do if that were your circumstances? To begin with you don't need to blame yourself and say" I split up with my sweetheart and I miss him". All that you should do is to create a reasonable strategy and try taking some action.

The very first thing you need to do would be to determine whether or not you want him back again or not. That means you'd like to learn the reason why you left him in the first place.

Knowing the reason why you left him and you feel that you simply overreacted by dumping him, you may have an urge to get him back again. It's your choice and you've got to consider it. Keep reading if you would like the man you're dating back again.

-- Tell him you want him back again, give him a green signal. I hear you requesting how I can give him indicators. The reply is: tell him you think about him daily, send him a text, an e-mail, leave a message upon their voice mail, call him up and ask about his family members. The only real disclaimer here's: don't go crazy or he'll believe that you're stalking him.

-- If you get a few positive indicators from him, simply tell him the reason why you have split up with him. Be truthful and straightforward. Simply tell him if it had been something personal or something like he messed up and let him consider it.

-- At that point, he'll get two messages; the first is you still worry about him and you are wiling to get back together with him. The second message is you still have trust when you are sincere and open up with him and you're simply ready to do anything to reunite with him. This makes the picture ready for your next stage.

-- Ask to meet him. Whenever he concurs make certain you look stunning. Males are much more inclined to looks than to almost anything else. Whenever he sees exactly how stunning you are, he'll have more good reasons to respond.

-- Don't rush issues; give him time so he can decide. This will depend on how long it's been since you split up with him. However, you have to put a timeline to this procedure, question lightly if he really wants to get back together with you. If he appears hesitant question and allow him to speak with you regarding his worries. In the event that he doesn't wish to speak, leave him and prepare to move on.

Keep in mind that you don't need to change who you are to allow him to get back together with you. Behave normally and be good. Keep in mind the reason why he had fallen deeply in love with you in the first place and then try to return to those old sweet times.

Lead him to realize that you want to reunite with him, and be sincere with him. This should help you if you miss your boyfriend and you need to make up with him.

Ways to Get Your Girlfriend Back - Letting Her Go to Get Her Back again

It does not necessarily mean that you are giving up on the romantic relationship, nor does it signify that you no lengthier care about your girlfriend. Somewhat, letting her go signifies giving her the time and space away from you that permits her to miss you and know what she had. It's human nature to want elements only when we don't have them any more. When you efficiently offer with your private emotions, accept the breakup, and let her go, you shift the energy dynamic back in your favor.

When you allow your girlfriend go just after a breakup, you deliver all the proper messages. It shows that you are strong, independent, and assured which are all attractive traits. It reveals your girlfriend that though you really want her in your existence, you don't need to have her in your everyday life to be pleased. It says to her, you may possibly not want to be aspect of my existence appropriate now, but if you're not then you're going to be lacking out on something wonderful because I refuse to sit about begging, pleading, apologizing, and being depressed. Lifestyle is too brief for all that. I'm going to be ok no make a difference what.

Do you see why this is so strong? Until eventually you're gone, she can't miss you. Even if you're not seeing her, just sending texts or calling her nevertheless suggests you're around and she can't miss you. Soon after a breakup, you really should do your greatest to stay away from all speak to for at minimum a few of weeks. If she calls missing you, don't just drop every thing and rush more than to see her. Otherwise you give all the energy back to her and chances are the subsequent day she'll sense like she made a mistake.

When she feels you're shifting on with your existence and she may lose you for very good, then she'll begin earning the energy to get you back instead. If she doesn't, then odds are she actually is really above you and has made a decision you're not the correct man for her. If this is the case, then you must accept it, but by letting her go in the very first put, you have presently ready all by yourself for the worst.

Letting her go is really tricky. It's agonizing and you will sense like you're tearing your personal heart out. But some unlucky souls entirely fall short and get dumped. What do they do now to get them to appear back again?

What to say to a woman to get her back is often an unanswered query. But we will go over some issues you can say to get her to arrive operating back again. Points can be restored to their former state with some persistence and good preparation and the ideal points to say. Make her think exceptional and allow her in on how substantially you treatment for her. Say the appropriate items, and she will have no selection but to come back again.

Here are some methods to go about it.

one. Initial items initial, do not stalk her! Most of the time guys can get desperate and continue to keep calling her, often even behaving fairly rudely.